Rock Myth #71

Sharon Osbourne hates Simon Cowell so much that after being ousted from her seat as an X Factor judge by Cowell in 2009 she, along with daughter Kelly, set to work on a time machine. Once completed they travelled back to the early 90s and formed Rage Against The Machine, with Kelly now renamed Zack de la Rocha, specifically to oust Cowell's X Factor winner from the Christmas number one slot.

The stunt backfired however as 89 hours constant listening of the band's eponymous début album at full volume turned hubby Ozzy from an accomplished and articulate after-dinner speaker to the performing gibbon that we all know and love today.

Rock Myth #70

1962 Christmas Number 1 "Return to Sender" performed by Elvis Presley was dedicated by the 'King' to the striking American Mail workers in Tennessee of that winter, whose union action ironically ruined Christmas for millions of Americans in the south east state.

Rock Myth #69

Emerson Lake, Lauryn Hill and Ronnie Wood are some of the most recognisable geographical features of the Isle of Man. However, it is yet to be ascertained if it is Billy Ocean that can be spied lapping against the horizon.

Rock Myth #68

The Pips of Gladys Knight fame were so called as they were discovered by the Empress Of Soul busking in the heart of the USA's largest orchard whilst she was fiending for apple sauce.

Rock Myth #67

Feisty Drumstress Caroline Corr finished 2nd in the 1998 Irish Times Most Powerful Women in the Universe list, just eclipsed by the runner Sonia O'Sullivan.

Rock Myth #66

Since turning his back on the music industry, Shakin Stevens has gone on to invent two new flavours of ice-cream as well as the Hadron Collider. When recently asked by NME about his accomplishments the Welsh legend said "Yeah I know, lush innit?"

Rock Myth #65

Behatted furry ball of Potteries cock rock Slash uses his trademark top hat to hold his hair in place due to his shyness about cauliflower ears gained as a result of 5 years hard graft in the Coventry RFC 2nd XI front row as a young amateur hooker.

Rock Myth #64

Everyone knows that legendary rockers Fleetwood Mac took their name from Mick Fleetwood and John McVie, respectively the drummer and bassist of the band. What many people don't realise is that John McVie also went on to invent the Apple Mac Computer and also started a chain of all-American burger restaurants with his school friend Ronald Donald which they decided to name McDonalds.

Rock Myth #63

Three-stringed Blues man Seasick Steve perseveres with only Three strings on his guitar due to his chronic double-vision. When Jools Holland pointed out his dearth of strings Steve was heard to say "You Holland twins should stick to playin yer pianos".

Rock Myth #62

In a recent contraversial amphibian music survey Paul McCartney's 'Frog Song' was beaten to top spot by the lovely people behind Crazy Frog. Third was Newton Faulkner.

Rock Myth #61

Some people pronounce it 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'showy', others 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'Buoy', indeed more to rhyme with 'Howie'. However, it went largely unreported in the early 80s during David's period of referring to himself in the 5th person that he mostly used the pronunciation 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'Rory'.

Rock Myth #60

Frumpy Scots lasses Susan Boyle and Michelle McManus are never found in the same room as they are in fact the same person! Simon Cowell is trying to find a way to get her (real name Tracy McDougall) to appear under a new alias in the next series of the X-Factor.

Rock Myth #59

Jarvis Cocker has the largest height:width ratio of any mammal.

Rock Myth #58

Former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman left the band briefly in 1972 to play 3 First Class Cricket matches for Middlesex, and scored a century against the touring Australian '72 Ashes side.

Rock Myth #57

Francis Rossi of Status Quo infamy teaches Latin for 8 hours a week at Rugby School.

Rock Myth #56

Raphael Ravenscroft, the saxophonist for Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street" was the original host of Blockbusters.

Rock Myth #55

After watching Michael Caine's classic film "Escape to Victory", Van Morrison was inspired to ask Pele to guest on harmonica on his 1990 hit album Enlightenment. Pele went on to add The Harmonicist's "Pop" category award that year to his 3 World Cup winner's medals.

Rock Myth #54

Lead singer of the band formerly the vanguard of Welsh rocknroll, latterly the rearguard of the West Coat dirge, the Stereophonics' Kelly Jones, competed in the father and son section of the BBC Wales qualifiers for One Man And His Dog. However they were beaten to 4th place by Aled Jones with Bonnie Tyler dressed as a Snowman.

Rock Myth #53

One time Housemartin, sometime Beautiful South front man and all-the-time mop-haired northerner Paul Heaton refuses to ever perform on Saturdays as he´s busy being the human statue in Hull city centre. He took over from Jimmy Saville in 1989 and has only missed one Saturday since then due to a bout of Tourette´s.

Rock Myth #52

Electronic Industrial Dusseldorfers Kraftwerk first toured the British Isles in support of their favourite crooner Englebert Humperdink, and were booed offstage by the Swindon Folk Society.

Rock Myth #51

Former punky funksters, now horrors of dad-rock Red Hot Chilli Peppers' bass player, Flea, is named after the acronym for the local education authority in Fresno, California, of which he is patron.

Rock Myth #50

If Jimmy Somerville was infinitely cloned and stood one on top of another the resulting "Tower of Somerville" would never quite reach the moon.


And thats the 50 up. Cue small ripple of applause... or appalled jeering, whichever is your wont.

Rock Myth #49

The Proclaimers once smoked a kipper in the grounds of Buckingham Palace.

Rock Myth #48

Tragically, 20 years on Lisa Stansfield still goes around the world and she she she, she can't find her baby.

Rock Myth #47

Cutting Edge Welsh HipHopsters Goldie Lookin' Chain met when they all worked as volunteers at Newport Rest Home For Elderly Spinsters.

Rock Myth #46

Due to an administerative error Travis are twinned with Hemel Hempstead, UK, and present the town with a Scots Pine every year at Christmas.

Rock Myth #45

Phil Collins is a popular and well-liked man and a great composer of popular song.

Rock Myth #44

Ageing, face-lifted pop composer Paul McCartney continues year-on-year to be one of the highest earning artists in the industry. What many people don´t realise is that almost half of his annual income now comes from his Panpipe Moods recordings.
Indeed, during a tour of Peru in 1972 with his groundbreaking band Wings, Paul McCartney fell in love with the sound of the melodic panpipes native to the country. Enlisting the help of legendary panpipe guru, Nolberto Sasquatsch, he mastered the instrument in 3 hours. Since 1991 he has released 2 albums per year under the name "Panpipe Moods" with the most popular download remaining his 1996 cover of the Clapton classic, Wonderful Tonight.

Rock Myth #43

John Lydon is so punk that he spends all the proceeds from his butter ads on deckchairs so he can sit on the Mall masturbating at the Queen.

Rock Myth #42

When Wyclef Jean released "Gone Till November" in January 1998 it seems this was, indeed, his intention as his follow up, a cover of "Another One Bites The Dust" was released some 10 months later. Alas, this too became a self-fulfilling prophecy when Wyclef was kidnapped and forced to eat actual dust from a Welsh coal mine by Goldie Lookin' Chain.

Rock Myth #41

When Rick Wakeman speaks of sorcery he emits a high pitched ringing from the back of his neck.

Rock Myth #40

Bloody hell, February already....

East 17 once wrote a concept album based on February. It remains unrecorded...

Rock Myth #39

(Heard from the teaboy, B. Umma Hastings)

Elton John has 3 nipples, none of which his own.

Rock Myth # 38

As we all know by now, Jools Holland´s Hootenanny is actually pre-recorded and not filmed live on New Years Eve. What people don´t realise is that this is because Jools likes to see in the New Year by watching his very own Hootenanny on TV, alone, in his mansion....in Bury-St-Edmunds.

Rock Myth #37

Following a 3 week study of his character by the band, Chris Tarrant became the inspiration for the hit "Monster" by The Automatic.

Rock Myth #36

Happy New Year to Rock Myths' readers. New Years is a time to make resolutions, and Rock Myths' resolution is to increase its output for 2009.

Tom Jones' New Years resolution is to finally complete the 1000 piece jigsaw of 3 puppies being eaten by a kestrel given to him for his birthday in 1978 by Cilla Black.