Rock Myths

Rock Myth #107

2011-11-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Multi-banded former Smiths, Electronic, The Cribs and Modest Mouse guitarist Johnny Marr was breast-fed until the age of 5, which explains his unusually robust immune system.

Rock Myth #106

2011-10-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

One time Communards front man Jimmy Somerville isn't naturally bald. He had to start removing his body hair in 1985 when his body started growing brambles instead. Indeed, by 1988 his annual bramble growth could fill an average sized industrial skip.
Many an ex lover was heard to complain of awful chafing after love making and Somerville's big hit, Don't Leave Me This Way, is said to be about a former lover who ran off with his only pair of garden secateurs.

Rock Myth #105

2011-07-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

An area of rainforest the size of Wales is destroyed every day to keep Cat Stevens in wicker baskets.

Rock Myth #104

2011-06-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

On the night of 24th June 2011 Queen Elizabeth II of England and the Colonies slaughtered 3 corgis after briefly switching onto U2 at Glasto and falling into a trance.

Rock Myth #103

2011-02-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

Sultry songstress of spice Victoria Beckham is the current stadium announcer at LA Galaxy's home ground The Home Depot Center.

Rock Myth #102

2011-01-28T15:11:00.000-08:00

"Illsley", as in Dire Straits' formerly bemulleted bass maestro John Illsley, is a slang term meaning "very good" in Hartlepool slang, as in "That stew you just cooked was well Illsley, Mum".

Rock Myth #101

2010-12-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

If you listen to Guns And Roses' album Appetite For Destruction backwards you will within 36 hours find yourself naked, covered in orange paint and tied to a chair in Axl Rose's drawing room.

Rock Myth #100

2010-11-22T01:38:00.000-08:00

You won't always find Jona Lewie in the kitchen at parties. Occasionally you'll find him in the basement being whipped incessantly by dwarves.

Rock Myth #99

2010-11-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

Master of hair and solos Brian May must at all times be no fewer than 30 feet away from other Queen band members whilst on stage, and no fewer than 50 feet from Paul Rodgers at all times.

Rock Myth #98

2010-10-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

Band perennially used as yardstick for other hard-to-classify bands Arcade Fire were recently voted at a meeting of the Arcade Fire fan club "Band that sounds least like Arcade Fire".

Rock Myth #97

2010-09-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

The weather in Amarillo is directly proportional to the level of Tony Christie's endorphins.

Rock Myth #96

2010-09-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

At any given moment 1 of Def Leppard is standing, 1 is sitting and the other is playing the oboe.

Rock Myth #95

2010-08-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

Gene Simmons plays a bass guitar made entirely of compressed issues of the Wall Street Journal.

Rock Myth #94

2010-08-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

Squealing, whingeing monster of alternative rock Thom Yorke has a fear of singing in the key of F and once spent 2 days quivering under a table when he accidentally slipped into Yesterday whilst jamming with Paul McCartney.

Rock Myth #93

2010-08-03T02:54:00.000-07:00

Reggae legends and creators of Smash Hits Magazine's "Most Erotic Track" (1993) 'Tease Me' Chaka Demus & Pliers now run a successful hardware store in Kingston, Jamaica.

Rock Myth #92

2010-07-20T03:46:00.000-07:00

During Chris Lowe's 10 minute keyboard solos at their late 80s gigs his Pet Shop Boys' bandmate Neil Tennant used to pop off to canvas for the Labour party in the audience, and it is thought it was greatly down to his influence that Tony Blair got re-elected at the 1987 election.

Rock Myth #91

2010-07-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

80% of male drivers in the 45-65 age group stopped for speeding in the UK in 2007 were found to be under the influence of Dire Straits.

Rock Myth #90

2010-06-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

Blonde-haired free-loving free spirit Jockney 'Big' Rod Stewart was born in international waters and is thus subject to an international dispute of ownership rights.

Rock Myth #89

2010-06-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

As a child electronic punk wizard of Hammersmith Gary Numan was briefly famous as the face of Penguin publishing.

Rock Myth #88

2010-05-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

When Queen decided to reform with former Free front-man, Paul Rodgers, they originally went with the name "May, Rodgers, Taylor". It was only after fans repeatedly posted lude video's of themselves dressed as their heroes on a popular adult website that they realised they had created an eponymous double-entendre. Since then the band have played under the name "Queen and Paul Rodgers".

Rock Myth #87

2010-05-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Football playboy Iain Dowie played trombone for Bad Manners on their album Return of the Ugly.

Rock Myth #86

2010-05-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

Jimi Hendrix was disqualified from the 1968 London International Chess Exhibition after attempting to move his bishop from b3 to c5 using his teeth whilst holding the chess board behind his head. He later commented that had he been allowed to continue he'd have had his opponent, then British Prime Minister Harold Wilson, in mate in 3.

Rock Myth #85

2010-05-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

Matt Bellamy of Muse has been trying to grow a mullet for 10 years but every time it reaches close to maturity his head is mysteriously shaved in the night by undercover assailants.

Rock Myth #84

2010-05-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Radiohead met during a bar brawl in Abingdon which Jonny Greenwood had started over a game of cribbage.

Rock Myth #83

2010-05-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

Les Dawson taught Alicia Keys to play the piano.

Rock Myth #82

2010-04-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

The Klaxons started out life as an ironic tribute to the Jacksons.

Rock Myth #81

2010-04-15T05:50:00.000-07:00

Late great Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Keith 'Syd' Barrett was the original illustrator for Roger Hargreaves' Mr Men series of children's books.

Rock Myth #80

2010-04-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

At the time of going to press 93.2% of UK adults aged 18-35 had experienced the Doves live in concert. Of that group 90% rated the experience as "yeah not bad I think, but I wouldn't go out & buy an album or anything", with the other 10% just mumbling "it was a festival, there were a lot of drugs about..." and drifting off.

Rock Myth #79

2010-04-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

Alanis Morisette's twin brother Wade understands the true meaning of the word "ironic".

Rock Myth #78

2010-04-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Eric Clapton wrote the song "Cocaine" about his pet dog of the same name who refused to lie down at obedience classes.

Rock Myth #77

2010-03-08T01:42:00.000-08:00

Man in need of a diary to keep track of which stage of his weekly relationship he has reached, Craig David, was recently ousted from the Beard Liberation Front after it was revealed that for much of the past 10 years he had been glueing on to his face discarded chow-mein noodles from his local Oriental Garden restaurant in Havant.

Rock Myths #76

2010-01-30T12:38:00.000-08:00

In a recent survey under controlled conditions, 9 out of 10 cats preferred Kris Kristofferson.

Rock Myth #75

2010-01-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

"Super Trouper" was submitted by Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus to George Lucas for the soundtrack of Star Wars, but was refused after the Trilogy director cut the Stormtrooper training montage sequence from Part IV.

Rock Myth #74

2010-01-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

Many of the world's greatest rock and metal bands were actually named after characters from the Biggles series of adventure books for children. In Biggles Flies Again (1934) our bespectacled hero flies into battle with his schooltime friends Jack Sabbath and Fred Zeppelin whilst in Biggles in Africa (1936) he first meets his arch-nemesis Brian Maiden.
Furthermore, in Biggles in the Orient (1945) our intrepid dare-devil wins the heart of sexy German spy Stacey Deesee before rescuing his commander, Jeff Leopard, from behind enemy lines. Members of these bands have always denied this link between their names and Biggles but sources have recently revealed that it is seen as a rock in-joke.

Rock Myth #73

2010-01-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

Not only did middle-aged hard rock lothario David E Grohl play every instrument and sing every vocal on the Foo Fighters' first eponymous album, he personally operated the CD pressing plant that printed the first 1,000 copies. One of these copies, recognisable by its serial number, recently fetched $50,000 at a New York auction house.

Rock Myth #72

2010-01-06T16:16:00.000-08:00

In a recent episode of BBC2 current affairs quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks Jo Whiley admitted publicly for the first time that she doesn't actually like Coldplay. Later after DNA testing she was fined £3000 plus costs for posting a box of her own faeces to the band's singer Chris Martin's house and kicking his wife Gwyneth in the face. The band meanwhile experienced an upturn in popularity that ended with Martin being crowned the 'King of Cool' at the Kerrang 2009 Music Awards.

Rock Myth #71

2009-12-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

Sharon Osbourne hates Simon Cowell so much that after being ousted from her seat as an X Factor judge by Cowell in 2009 she, along with daughter Kelly, set to work on a time machine. Once completed they travelled back to the early 90s and formed Rage Against The Machine, with Kelly now renamed Zack de la Rocha, specifically to oust Cowell's X Factor winner from the Christmas number one slot.

The stunt backfired however as 89 hours constant listening of the band's eponymous début album at full volume turned hubby Ozzy from an accomplished and articulate after-dinner speaker to the performing gibbon that we all know and love today.

Rock Myth #70

2009-12-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

1962 Christmas Number 1 "Return to Sender" performed by Elvis Presley was dedicated by the 'King' to the striking American Mail workers in Tennessee of that winter, whose union action ironically ruined Christmas for millions of Americans in the south east state.

Rock Myth #69

2009-11-24T15:28:00.000-08:00

Emerson Lake, Lauryn Hill and Ronnie Wood are some of the most recognisable geographical features of the Isle of Man. However, it is yet to be ascertained if it is Billy Ocean that can be spied lapping against the horizon.

Rock Myth #68

2009-11-12T12:23:00.000-08:00

The Pips of Gladys Knight fame were so called as they were discovered by the Empress Of Soul busking in the heart of the USA's largest orchard whilst she was fiending for apple sauce.

Rock Myth #67

2009-11-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

Feisty Drumstress Caroline Corr finished 2nd in the 1998 Irish Times Most Powerful Women in the Universe list, just eclipsed by the runner Sonia O'Sullivan.

Rock Myth #66

2009-11-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

Since turning his back on the music industry, Shakin Stevens has gone on to invent two new flavours of ice-cream as well as the Hadron Collider. When recently asked by NME about his accomplishments the Welsh legend said "Yeah I know, lush innit?"

Rock Myth #65

2009-11-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

Behatted furry ball of Potteries cock rock Slash uses his trademark top hat to hold his hair in place due to his shyness about cauliflower ears gained as a result of 5 years hard graft in the Coventry RFC 2nd XI front row as a young amateur hooker.

Rock Myth #64

2009-11-03T04:11:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that legendary rockers Fleetwood Mac took their name from Mick Fleetwood and John McVie, respectively the drummer and bassist of the band. What many people don't realise is that John McVie also went on to invent the Apple Mac Computer and also started a chain of all-American burger restaurants with his school friend Ronald Donald which they decided to name McDonalds.

Rock Myth #63

2009-11-02T03:34:00.000-08:00

Three-stringed Blues man Seasick Steve perseveres with only Three strings on his guitar due to his chronic double-vision. When Jools Holland pointed out his dearth of strings Steve was heard to say "You Holland twins should stick to playin yer pianos".

Rock Myth #62

2009-10-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

In a recent contraversial amphibian music survey Paul McCartney's 'Frog Song' was beaten to top spot by the lovely people behind Crazy Frog. Third was Newton Faulkner.

Rock Myth #61

2009-10-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Some people pronounce it 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'showy', others 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'Buoy', indeed more to rhyme with 'Howie'. However, it went largely unreported in the early 80s during David's period of referring to himself in the 5th person that he mostly used the pronunciation 'Bowie' to rhyme with 'Rory'.

Rock Myth #60

2009-10-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

Frumpy Scots lasses Susan Boyle and Michelle McManus are never found in the same room as they are in fact the same person! Simon Cowell is trying to find a way to get her (real name Tracy McDougall) to appear under a new alias in the next series of the X-Factor.

Rock Myth #59

2009-09-21T15:00:00.001-07:00

Jarvis Cocker has the largest height:width ratio of any mammal.

Rock Myth #58

2009-06-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

Former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman left the band briefly in 1972 to play 3 First Class Cricket matches for Middlesex, and scored a century against the touring Australian '72 Ashes side.

Rock Myth #57

2009-06-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Francis Rossi of Status Quo infamy teaches Latin for 8 hours a week at Rugby School.

Rock Myth #56

2009-06-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Raphael Ravenscroft, the saxophonist for Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street" was the original host of Blockbusters.

Rock Myth #55

2009-06-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

After watching Michael Caine's classic film "Escape to Victory", Van Morrison was inspired to ask Pele to guest on harmonica on his 1990 hit album Enlightenment. Pele went on to add The Harmonicist's "Pop" category award that year to his 3 World Cup winner's medals.

Rock Myth #54

2009-05-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Lead singer of the band formerly the vanguard of Welsh rocknroll, latterly the rearguard of the West Coat dirge, the Stereophonics' Kelly Jones, competed in the father and son section of the BBC Wales qualifiers for One Man And His Dog. However they were beaten to 4th place by Aled Jones with Bonnie Tyler dressed as a Snowman.

Rock Myth #53

2009-05-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

One time Housemartin, sometime Beautiful South front man and all-the-time mop-haired northerner Paul Heaton refuses to ever perform on Saturdays as he´s busy being the human statue in Hull city centre. He took over from Jimmy Saville in 1989 and has only missed one Saturday since then due to a bout of Tourette´s.

Rock Myth #52

2009-05-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

Electronic Industrial Dusseldorfers Kraftwerk first toured the British Isles in support of their favourite crooner Englebert Humperdink, and were booed offstage by the Swindon Folk Society.

Rock Myth #51

2009-04-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

Former punky funksters, now horrors of dad-rock Red Hot Chilli Peppers' bass player, Flea, is named after the acronym for the local education authority in Fresno, California, of which he is patron.

Rock Myth #50

2009-04-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

If Jimmy Somerville was infinitely cloned and stood one on top of another the resulting "Tower of Somerville" would never quite reach the moon.

And thats the 50 up. Cue small ripple of applause... or appalled jeering, whichever is your wont.

Rock Myth #49

2009-04-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

The Proclaimers once smoked a kipper in the grounds of Buckingham Palace.

Rock Myth #48

2009-04-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

Tragically, 20 years on Lisa Stansfield still goes around the world and she she she, she can't find her baby.

Rock Myth #47

2009-04-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

Cutting Edge Welsh HipHopsters Goldie Lookin' Chain met when they all worked as volunteers at Newport Rest Home For Elderly Spinsters.

Rock Myth #46

2009-04-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

Due to an administerative error Travis are twinned with Hemel Hempstead, UK, and present the town with a Scots Pine every year at Christmas.

Rock Myth #45

2009-04-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

Phil Collins is a popular and well-liked man and a great composer of popular song.

Rock Myth #44

2009-04-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

Ageing, face-lifted pop composer Paul McCartney continues year-on-year to be one of the highest earning artists in the industry. What many people don´t realise is that almost half of his annual income now comes from his Panpipe Moods recordings.
Indeed, during a tour of Peru in 1972 with his groundbreaking band Wings, Paul McCartney fell in love with the sound of the melodic panpipes native to the country. Enlisting the help of legendary panpipe guru, Nolberto Sasquatsch, he mastered the instrument in 3 hours. Since 1991 he has released 2 albums per year under the name "Panpipe Moods" with the most popular download remaining his 1996 cover of the Clapton classic, Wonderful Tonight.

Rock Myth #43

2009-03-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

John Lydon is so punk that he spends all the proceeds from his butter ads on deckchairs so he can sit on the Mall masturbating at the Queen.

Rock Myth #42

2009-03-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

When Wyclef Jean released "Gone Till November" in January 1998 it seems this was, indeed, his intention as his follow up, a cover of "Another One Bites The Dust" was released some 10 months later. Alas, this too became a self-fulfilling prophecy when Wyclef was kidnapped and forced to eat actual dust from a Welsh coal mine by Goldie Lookin' Chain.

Rock Myth #41

2009-02-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

When Rick Wakeman speaks of sorcery he emits a high pitched ringing from the back of his neck.

Rock Myth #40

2009-02-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

Bloody hell, February already....

East 17 once wrote a concept album based on February. It remains unrecorded...

Rock Myth #39

2009-01-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

(Heard from the teaboy, B. Umma Hastings)

Elton John has 3 nipples, none of which his own.

Rock Myth # 38

2009-01-21T14:08:00.000-08:00

As we all know by now, Jools Holland´s Hootenanny is actually pre-recorded and not filmed live on New Years Eve. What people don´t realise is that this is because Jools likes to see in the New Year by watching his very own Hootenanny on TV, alone, in his mansion....in Bury-St-Edmunds.

Rock Myth #37

2009-01-15T15:13:00.000-08:00

Following a 3 week study of his character by the band, Chris Tarrant became the inspiration for the hit "Monster" by The Automatic.

Rock Myth #36

2009-01-04T11:41:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to Rock Myths' readers. New Years is a time to make resolutions, and Rock Myths' resolution is to increase its output for 2009.

Tom Jones' New Years resolution is to finally complete the 1000 piece jigsaw of 3 puppies being eaten by a kestrel given to him for his birthday in 1978 by Cilla Black.

Rock Myth #35

2008-12-22T11:05:00.000-08:00

Greek sandals are the preferred footwear of wrinkly, leathery rocker Iggy Pop. He abhors clogs.

Rock Myth #34

2008-12-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

Sprightly teeny boppers, S-Club 7, split up in 2002 citing stress as the main reason. Actually, it was the pressure of constantly having to prove that there really was no party like an S-club party.

Rock Myth #33

2008-12-19T16:01:00.000-08:00

34 years after its first release, Saturday Night Is STILL The Night For Fighting for Elton John.

Rock Myths #32

2008-12-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

Saviour of Christmas, Cliff Richard, is banned from 8 US States and the District of Columbia for turkey-related offences.

Rock Myths #31

2008-12-12T05:35:00.000-08:00

Irish skiffle group, Snow Patrol, were joined for a short time by Shane McGowan on lead vocals. However, he left after a fateful night at a gig in Tipperary when he briefly sobered up enough to realise that they were not, in fact, the Pogues. His vocals do still remain on the band's anthemic UK breakthrough, 'Run' - if you listen closely you will hear Streams of Whisky being screeched in the background of the chorus.

Rock Myths #30

2008-12-05T05:37:00.000-08:00

Legendary Star of Rock and Roll Barry Manilow's 80s parties were infamous for their hyped up debauchery... Skateboards being thrown into swimming pools, trouser presses hurled from windows, dwarves circulating with trays of Skittles on their heads were all reportedly part of it. Barry denies all, however, claiming that all the while he was knee deep in coke and leather clad eunuchs round at Elton's.

Rock Myths #29

2008-12-03T04:17:00.000-08:00

While William Hartnell first played Doctor Who on BBC TV, the original local radio series, on BBC Radio Cumberland, starred Leo Sayer as the "Good Doctor" and was axed after 5 minutes of the first show due to BBC airwaves becoming frazzled by the "Shoreham Screamer's" shrill tone.

Rock Myths #28

2008-09-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Drinking 3 litres a day of bats blood has kept Gary Barlow's skin in the same condition as it was when he was 10 years old.

Rock Myths #27

2008-08-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

No member of Right Said Fred can turn left

Rock Myths #26

2008-08-04T09:13:00.001-07:00

Keith Moon was based on Animal, the drummer from The Muppets.

Rock Myths #25

2008-06-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

On a recent Canadian chatshow Bernie Taupin revealed his staunch homophobia made life working with Elton John a little strained, while Brian Wilson confirmed rumours that shots of him winking in the video for Wouldn't It Be Nice were in fact of his brother Dennis as Brian himself has not been able to wink since the age of 7.

Rock Myths #24

2008-06-03T05:15:00.001-07:00

The character of Phil Mitchell in hit BBC docu-soap Eastenders was based on former Genesis drummer and star of Buster, Phil Collins. Although they had to scale down his homeless-love.

Rock Myths #23

2008-06-03T05:10:00.000-07:00

Charlie from Busted has 2 Ivor Novello Songwriting Awards.

He stole them from Chris De Burgh.

Rock Myths #22

2008-05-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

Freddie Starr might have eaten my hamster but Freddie Mercury never ate a chutney ferret.

Rock Myth # 21

2008-05-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

If you look very closely, and I mean VERY closely at Art Garfunkel´s hair, you can see that he has taken the effort to number each strand in reverse order starting with #1,000,000,000 in 1982. When he gets down to 0 he intends to kill himself.

Rock Myths #20

2008-05-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

Mark Knopfler provided Girls Aloud with that famous guitar riff for their huge number one hit 'Love Machine'. It is also Knopfler's voice for the line " Loving me is as easy as pie", and not that of Nicola Roberts, as is depicted in the famous 'Eskimo Bar' video.

Rock Myths #19

2008-05-06T02:39:00.000-07:00

80s bopper, Billy Idol, only ever refers to himself in the third person.

Rock Myths #18

2008-04-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

Due to a fear of bloodsucking Tsetse Flies, Steve Porcaro of Eighties cheese-rock-mongers Toto refused to take his band to tour the entire African continent during his touring days with them. Ironically when they finally did tour in the late Eighties, after Porcaro had 'taken a back seat' the 1st meal they were served in a Nairobi restaurant was fried Tsetse Flies in a coconut sauce - otherwise known as Rosanna-style , a dish the band would later incarnate in song form on the hit track "Hold The Line".

Rock Myths #17

2008-03-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

One hit wonderers Deep Blue Something named themselves in respect to Lake Tanganyika after the band, formerly known as The Georges (no relation) toured sub-saharan Africa. Their big hit, Breakfast At Tiffany's, was written after the band had just watched the Audrey Hepburn classic, My Fair Lady.

Rock Myths #16

2008-03-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

'Pint-sized' guitarist and hero of symbol-monikered people across the world, Prince, is actually more than all he's made out to be. When graduating from high school in the 70s Prince joined local band 'Larger Than Life', a group of freakishly tall bluesmen who saw in their young protege a talent unrivalled. On their rise they decided to drop the group name and perform as Prince's backing band and have continued as such to this day.

Thus, with a backing band of an average height of 7ft 3 inches, Prince appears to be a midget on stage when he is in fact 5 foot 11, a comfortable half foot taller than Lenny Kravitz.

Rock Myths #15

2008-03-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

Supergrass drummer Danny Goffey is actually the son of BBC Top Gear presenter, and former Jean Wearer of the Year (1997), Jeremy Clarkson. Goffey, a committed environmentalist, disowned his father when he caught him slaughtering a batch of squirrels in the en suite bathroom of their second home in Surrey.

Rock Myths #14

2008-02-21T10:59:00.000-08:00

Miserable former Smiths front man, Morrisey, thought that he was the first songwriter to include Humberside in a song (Panic). However, when slowed down, the Northern English county can clearly be heard being sung by Little Richard on his Rock smash hit "A Wop Bop a Loo Bop a Wam Bam Boom"!

Rock Myths #13

2008-01-23T05:37:00.000-08:00

The writer of the pop classic "One of Us", Joan Osbourne, isn't actually a real person. Ozzy Osbourne revealed in a Rolling Stone interview in 2007 that it was actually him in drag:

"...it was a fucking crazy time in my life you know man. For about four years I thought I was two different people, myself and this crazy bitch Joan. It took me fucking ages to get all dressed up, sometimes Sharon had to lend me some of her gear. That song, "One of Us", actually came from a conversation I had with Joan on the way to work one morning. I must have looked a right fucking sight sitting on the bus all dragged-up talking to myself about God! And you know, nobody ever questioned why we were never seen together at award ceremonies! Fucking press are fucking idiots ain't they?"

Rock Myths # 12

2008-01-23T04:30:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows the alleged story of how Gordon Sumner became Sting - as a result of wearing an orange and black hooped jumper - but few know the truth he tried to suppress: Sting is actually a shortening of 'Stingy' meaning tight-fisted or mean, and was a result of his refusal to get a round in for the other members of The Police during the first 5 years of their career. When he finally did buy Messrs Copeland and Summers a tipple it was, ironically, a large schooner of fermented honey drink Mead...

Rock Myths #11

2008-01-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

When Katie Melua was 15, she left home in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia, telling her parents that she would only return to the family house when she had accomplished her dream of learning to become a proper lyricist.

Her parents have since taken in a poor Kazakh family as lodgers to fill the empty space in their hearts.

Rock Myths #10

2008-01-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

British smackhead, Pete Doherty, is fluent in 13 languages.

Rock Myths #9

2007-12-10T12:21:00.000-08:00

Former Genesis drummer (and all-round twat) Phil Collins used to write for the Daily Mail newspaper under the pseudonym 'Tarquinn Flartaby'. However, his views on immigration were deemed too right-wing and eventually his employment was terminated. He has gone on to ghost-write several autobiographies, including that of Piers Morgan entitled "Do You Know Who I Am?"

Rock Myths #8

2007-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

Craig David is the chairman of the Solent area railway modelling society and his pride is an exact replica of the Brighton line.